A beginner gets lost in EVE online

Space Jaunting: Part 1 – Day 10 – Dagan Come and Me Wanna go Home

Welcome to another installment of Maxi Foyle’s adventures in space.  Today I’m going to tell you about a meeting.  A great meeting.  A meeting of 2 minds, 2 towering characters, 2 sentinals of human spirit.  One is a genius, one an expensively educated idiot.  One is a twisted, bitter, evil old man bent on galactic domination, one a naive young idiot also bent on galactic domination.  One is broken and corrupted by the loss of family and friends, one hell bent on revenge for his 2 lost, stupidly named, frigates.  The 2 men in question?  Dagan (no surname), Epic Arc Mission Boss, and Maxi Foyle, Space Deodorant Dodger.

In case you don’t know who Dagan is (how can you not know who Dagan is!) he’s the final mission target in the epic arc, the collection of story based combat missions Maxi has been dipping in and out of over the few weeks.  It’s designed to ease newer players into the world of EVE PvE (Player vs Environment) combat but the easing wasn’t really working for Maxi, as he lost not only the Inquisitive Badger during his forays for the Sisters of EVE (the group giving out the missions) he also lost the Inquisitive Badger II!

Having gained a cruiser in the shape of Crimples, though, Maxi felt ready to head back to Arnon and pick up the trail where he’d left it.  And let me tell you it is a hell of a lot easier in a cruiser.  In fact in the last 2 evenings Maxi completed the second half of the 50 missions without so much as a damaged hull, or a sweating brow.

Anyway, back to this meeting.  The missions famously culminate with the capture of DaganOnce you’ve blown up his ship and scooped him into your cargo bay you can see the following message when you view his details:

Dagan lies imprisoned within his pod. Distorted through the glass, you can see impressive, chiseled features contorted in impotent rage. He knows he is at your mercy, and has every reason to fear the “mercy” of a capsule pilot.

Ha!  They obviously didn’t bank on Maxi Foyle, Space Human Rights Campaigner, to be that capsule pilot.  The actual meeting between Maxi and Dagan went something like this:

Dagan had been taken from his capsule and placed in laser restraints on a chair in the middle of the Vexor’s enormous cargo hold.  A small metal table stood in front of him, and across from him a metal door opened with a woosh.  A skinny, ginger Mohicaned man, (or was it a boy?), entered carrying 2 small cylindrical containers, one in each hand.  Both containers had some sort of vapour rising and swirling from them, and one had some sort of slender, twisting probe poking out the top.  What is this devilry he brings?  Acid?  Poison?  Poisonous acid?

Maxi made his way across the cargo hold floor and plonked both cups of tea on the metal table and slid the one with a straw in it over to Dagan.

“Hi”

“What is that, acid?” Dagan spat as he leaned forward, as far as the restraints would let him, to peer at the container’s steaming contents.

“Err, no, it’s a cup of tea.  Space tea.  Don’t you like tea?”

“Pah!  A likely story!  You think you can poison me, Dagan, with some false words and a cup full of acid?  What’s that twirly probe thing for?  To inject it to my heart!?”

“No!  That’s a straw.  So you can drink it with your hands tied.  Look if you don’t want it just leave it there!  I’m not going to force it on you”

“Oh, I get it, you want to give me gifts and be all friendly-like so that I let my guard down before you…have your wicked way with me?” Dagan said the last part with what almost seemed like a grin.

Maxi shuddered, “Nope, I just thought you’d be bored down here on your own so I came to have a chat before I hand you over.”

“Hand me over?  You mean you aren’t going to murder me in the most gruesome fashion and eject my sodomised carcass into deep space?” Dagan sounded almost horrified.

“God no!  I’m not into all….that!  I’m not even going to kill you!  I’m just going to hand you to the authorities and collect my million ISK reward.”

“The authorities?” Dagan hissed “What do they want me for this time?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I tuned out after about the 10th mission.  It all got a bit samey, go here, meet this person, shoot that, now go here….  I think it was something to do with drones?”

“Oh!  The drones thing…yes.  I reconfigured an ancient army of dormant defence drones to wreak havoc across the …”

Maxi interrupted, “Yeah, alright, I don’t want your life story.  I like drones too, you know?  I’ve nearly trained enough drones skill to pilot 5 at a time!  And I’ve got this amazing new drone boat, Crimples, it’s this beautiful Vexor I’ve kitted out with…”

“Yes, yes, I saw it.” Dagan sighed, “You used it to blow me up remember?”

“Oh yeah.  Huh.” There was an awkward silence for a moment.

“So why do the authorities want me alive?  Wouldn’t they rather you tortured me to death and threw me to the space hounds?” the pleasure in Dagan’s voice when describing this scenario was really starting to creep Maxi out.

“I don’t know!  They probably need you alive so they can put you back in your ship for the next player to complete the epic arc.  Anyway, you’re starting to creep me out.  You drinking that tea or not?”

“Um”

“Too late, I’m thirsty” Maxi took the drink and got up to leave.  He paused and a huge grin started spreading across his face.  He looked down at Dagan, bursting with excitement “Do you know what this means?  I’ve completed the epic arc!”

Dagan glared.  “Not if I can kill myself first!” and with that Dagan started shifting and squirming and trying to get an arm free from his restraints so he could strangle himself to death.

“Haha.  Good luck with that!  See you later, Gadam.”

“It’s DAGAN!!!!!!!!”

And with that Maxi shrugged, turned and left.

Next time: My corp have invited me to try some PvP!  I am incredibly excited about this.

o7 fly safe

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One response

  1. Serpentine Logic

    Glad the Vexor came in handy.

    May 12, 2011 at 3:13 pm

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